Hey, So glad you guys were able to bring this one to life. The Dr. heath is a great character. The part at the end just need Walter in there. We have a similar situation with Paul in the Escort scene and its better with the three characters going at it, one pressures the other then winds up with his/her foot in his/her mouth. Just think the stakes could go higher when the doc comes to the apartment if Walter was some how involved. Then would would the end be?
I thought this was great and the addition of Dr. Heath really amps up the comedy of this episode.
Something David and I have been really working on this in our own episode, like I mentioned last night, is cutting down on the action lines. David was noticing in a lot of TV shows the action is really minimal and the dialogue propels most of it. So for example, the scene when Amanda finds Walter in the tub, the first action paragraph could be trimmed down to something like: Amanda finds naked Walter in a bubble bath, she turns away. You can cut out reestablishing they are in the bathroom and maybe add in elements like the empty prescription bottle when she glances back, to build up tension.
That's just a quick idea of how to speed things up. In my writing, I have a huge problem with with creating epic action paragraphs so in the Screenwriting Rewrite class, all I've been doing is learning how to trim things down. It really helps pick up the pace and get there quicker and then you have more space to add in extra elements.
Something I was thinking that could maybe up the stakes at the end would be if Dr. Heath comes to the door and not only has Amanda's purse, but seeing Walter there, he threatens to give the hospital Walter's real identity. Walter insists that Amanda goes out with Dr. Heath, she doesn't want jail and he doesn't want thousands of dollars worth of medical bills.
But I think you guys did a great job of taking all the information and story elements we talked about in class and focused it down to a successful story arc. With everything you had to work with, that can't of been an easy task and Dr. Heath is a very funny solution that works well. Good luck with the rewrite!
Hey, So glad you guys were able to bring this one to life. The Dr. heath is a great character. The part at the end just need Walter in there. We have a similar situation with Paul in the Escort scene and its better with the three characters going at it, one pressures the other then winds up with his/her foot in his/her mouth. Just think the stakes could go higher when the doc comes to the apartment if Walter was some how involved. Then would would the end be?
ReplyDeleteI thought this was great and the addition of Dr. Heath really amps up the comedy of this episode.
ReplyDeleteSomething David and I have been really working on this in our own episode, like I mentioned last night, is cutting down on the action lines. David was noticing in a lot of TV shows the action is really minimal and the dialogue propels most of it. So for example, the scene when Amanda finds Walter in the tub, the first action paragraph could be trimmed down to something like: Amanda finds naked Walter in a bubble bath, she turns away.
You can cut out reestablishing they are in the bathroom and maybe add in elements like the empty prescription bottle when she glances back, to build up tension.
That's just a quick idea of how to speed things up. In my writing, I have a huge problem with with creating epic action paragraphs so in the Screenwriting Rewrite class, all I've been doing is learning how to trim things down. It really helps pick up the pace and get there quicker and then you have more space to add in extra elements.
Something I was thinking that could maybe up the stakes at the end would be if Dr. Heath comes to the door and not only has Amanda's purse, but seeing Walter there, he threatens to give the hospital Walter's real identity. Walter insists that Amanda goes out with Dr. Heath, she doesn't want jail and he doesn't want thousands of dollars worth of medical bills.
But I think you guys did a great job of taking all the information and story elements we talked about in class and focused it down to a successful story arc. With everything you had to work with, that can't of been an easy task and Dr. Heath is a very funny solution that works well. Good luck with the rewrite!