hey guys, I think your dialogue is brilliant! You got rid of the exposition and we didn't miss it at all. I do think the std bit is in there too much so it losses its kick. I couldn't just not be getting it but that last rant by Amanda just seems more expositional and less of the "attitude" Bob keeps pushing us to understand. I have to do a similar challenge with my Golden Girls line in ours. good luck!
You guys have such a strong script and it's hysterical! Walter's dialogue is just classic when he's on the Furete Fuel. The arc is good and you get everything in seven pages. Not an easy task so great work!
I think David covered exactly what I was going to say, the STD bit does lose it's punch by the end when we get to Grandma's cookies. I would cut out a couple of them, maybe the WSTD in the Grandma's Cookies line (even though that is funny). It's the rule of three I think. By the time we get to Grandma, that's the fourth time so cutting out the call numbers part might help. But it's a good thread throughout.
Besides the line David mentioned at the end, I agree, I think that's really it. You guys are going to have a solid draft for next week.
hey guys, I think your dialogue is brilliant! You got rid of the exposition and we didn't miss it at all. I do think the std bit is in there too much so it losses its kick. I couldn't just not be getting it but that last rant by Amanda just seems more expositional and less of the "attitude" Bob keeps pushing us to understand. I have to do a similar challenge with my Golden Girls line in ours. good luck!
ReplyDeleteYou guys have such a strong script and it's hysterical! Walter's dialogue is just classic when he's on the Furete Fuel. The arc is good and you get everything in seven pages. Not an easy task so great work!
ReplyDeleteI think David covered exactly what I was going to say, the STD bit does lose it's punch by the end when we get to Grandma's cookies. I would cut out a couple of them, maybe the WSTD in the Grandma's Cookies line (even though that is funny). It's the rule of three I think. By the time we get to Grandma, that's the fourth time so cutting out the call numbers part might help. But it's a good thread throughout.
Besides the line David mentioned at the end, I agree, I think that's really it. You guys are going to have a solid draft for next week.